Pond Hopper

Waiting

Waiting seems to be what my life is about these days.  I'm waiting for the arrival of my little boy.  The little boy inside of me who I can't wait to meet.  I can't wait to finally see him and hold him and get to know him.  I am already so in love with him and can't imagine how it will feel when he's finally here. 
I can't wait to study his face and watch it change in the first months of his life and see him begin to resemble me or his father.  Will he be fair like Wayne or darker like me?  Will his eyes be blue or brown?  Will his lips curl like his father's?  Will he be blond or brunette?  I'm looking so forward to these mysteries finally being revealed.
Believe it or not, I'm even looking forward to the late night feedings because it means he will be here with us.  I just want it all to begin.  I want to finally become the mother I've been waiting my whole life to be.  I have just a little over a week until my due date - hopefully, I won't have to wait much longer.  Hopefully, he's not late and he will arrive any day now.

Still waiting...

It's been a while since I've blogged and I figured people must be wondering if it's because I gave birth - sadly, no.  Even though I'm full term, I have 2 weeks to go to my due date (1 week according to my doctor in the US) and although, I've tried everything they say puts you into labour - I am still waiting for my boy to be ready to make his appearance. 
This stage of pregnancy is not much fun at all.  I am quite large, very uncomfortable and really tired.  Everything I do requires more energy than I seem to have and every task turns into a bit of a struggle that exhausts me quite quickly.  The baby's head has engaged into the pelvis; which is good because it means he's in the birthing position, but also bad because it's not at all comfortable to have a head stuck in your pelvis!  My back gets worse every day and my feet are still painfully swollen.  On some days the only things I can fit on my feet are a pair of flip flops or a pair of slippers that I bought for the hospital (both at least one size too big).  The swelling has also spread well up my legs, into my hands and my face.  I now resemble a blown up version of my old self.  I look like the current Erren ate the old Erren!  The only thing I like about the extra weight is the enormous belly which there's no mistaking houses our little boy that I'm eagerly waiting to meet.  As much as I enjoy the displays of lumps and bumps that emerge form my belly on a daily basis, I'd much rather get on with it and be holding the baby instead.  With any luck, it won't be long now!

4 Weeks to go!

As of today, I have 4 weeks to go until my due date - unless we go by the US doctors who put my due date a week earlier.  It will be interesting to see who's closer.  I'm hoping for sooner rather than later.  I had what seemed like false labor over the weekend & I've had a lot of pains and twinges ever since that are different than I've had before and I'm hoping it's my body preparing for labor.  Even if it's the 4 week due date, I have to say that it's wonderful to be on the home stretch and starting month 9.  I feel like I've been pregnant forever and can't wait to get to the end!
I am finally at the point that they say to pack the hospital bag because it can happen at any time after 36 weeks (I'm 36 weeks today).  I've shopped for packing the bag but wanted to wait to pack it.  I think I'll do that later today.  It will make me feel like I'm actually getting somewhere. 
The baby's room is just about finished.  I have some shelves to paint and hang, Wayne has to hang the curtain rods so I can put up the curtains and there's some boxes to move out of the room.  Once that's done the room will be ready aside from the glider chair I have yet to order.  The chair will be our last purchase.  We have more than everything we need to be prepared - all I really need is a baby!  Over the weekend Wayne & I went to get the little items I need for the hospital bag and the last little items I wanted to have on hand (ie - ear thermometer, alcohol wipes to clean the belly button & other little things like that).  As we finish the last of our purchases it makes it even more real and I get even more excited for this baby to come.  4 weeks isn't a bad time frame, but if it were up to me - this baby would be here today!  I guess I'll have to wait for him to decide he's   ready too!

Spider panic

I just did the most ridicules thing! I went into the baby's room to get something out of the wardrobe and when I opened the door, I was confronted with a very large spider sitting on the sleeve of one of the baby's sleep sacks that was hanging there.  I am really bad with spiders - it's an awful phobia.  Looking at it there I thought, if I leave it there and run - I'll lose it somewhere in the baby's room!  I can't leave it in the baby's room!  What do I do??  I looked around for my options and thought I just need to get it out the window somehow.  I couldn't get close enough to grab the sleep sack to shake out the window - every time I moved the hanger the spider moved and it was too much for me to deal with.  The spider could have fallen into the wardrobe and then I'd have to search for it.  Worse - it could have fallen on me!  I started to panic and then I saw the curtain rod against the wall.  I stood far enough away so that if it fell it wouldn't fall on me, took the pole of the curtain rod and used it to pick up the hanger of the sleep sack and slowly guided it to the open window (all the while having a mini panic attack).  I got it out the window, shook the rod and the spider just crawled up the sleep sack - it wasn't going anywhere.  So, I did the only thing I could do - I dropped the spider (along with the sleep sack) out the third floor window into my back yard.  I figured Wayne could get it for me and shake it out when he got home and I could wash the sleep sack, but at least the spider was out of the baby's room! 
I feel ridicules.  Who knows if any of my neighbors witnessed my act of panic.  I must have looked like a nut dropping the baby cloths out the window with a pole!  What kind of mother will I be if I can't even handle a spider in a rational way?  My child won't have a shot in hell to not be afraid of spiders if he ever has to witness something like that!  Maybe when it comes to my child, I'll be braver and be able to handle my phobia a bit better.  I sure hope so!

The baby has turned!

On Wednesday, the midwife confirmed that the baby turned to the head down position!  As long as he doesn't flip again - there will be no scheduled c-section for me!  I am just thrilled!  I really didn't want to go through another surgery so this is just wonderful news - my boy is cooperating!
I went to the Mom's club for the 2nd week yesterday.  It's been really nice to be around other pregnant woman as well as all the new Moms and their babies.  I held a 5 week old little boy yesterday.  His Mom just handed him to me and said can you hold him while I drink my tea? At first I was terrified and held him awkwardly as if to say 'What now?' (I haven't held a baby in years and don't have a whole lot of experience) but the panic very quickly turned into my heart just melting over this tiny little boy who was staring up at me.  I felt kinda bad because his mother just complained to me that he never looked at her in the face.  She said he's rather look at blank walls than look at her.  He couldn't take his eyes off of me.  He stared mesmerized at my face.  All the other Moms just stopped what they were doing to watch him looking at me.  I changed his position briefly and when he couldn't see me he cried.  As soon as I was back in his line of site he stopped.  It was a wonderful experience that made it all so real.  I'm soon going to have a little one of my own and I am just so excited to finally meet him - I wish I could fast forward to the day he arrives. 
I still have over 5 weeks to go and I'm so ready to have this baby!  Yesterday, it took me 10 minutes to put on my shoes because of the size of my belly and the swelling in my feet!  It seems like everything I do is a struggle.  I'm always uncomfortable and not sleeping well at night.  I was told the last couple of months are the hardest, but didn't know just how hard it would be.  I'm ready.  They say after 36 weeks it could happen at any time.  I'm 34 weeks and counting - hoping he comes closer to 36 weeks than the average of 42 (they say most first time Moms average at about 10 days late)!

Nothing is easy these days

Everything is a struggle these days.  The bigger I get, the less I can do.  We hired cleaners to do the heavy cleaning around the house for the last weeks of the pregnancy and the first weeks of recovery after the baby comes.  They're here now and I have to say it feels very strange having people clean my house around me while I sit here typing away.  I guess I should just feel grateful we have the means to hire help because with 4 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms - it's just too much for me to take on any more.  Still, I feel like a spoiled housewife...
The baby is still breech.  The teacher from my prenatal classes came to my house last week to show me maneuvers and positions to get into to help encourage the baby to turn.  The thing is that you can't move a sleeping baby so I have to wait until he's active to do it.  On top of that, it's pretty strenuous to do so I also have to be feeling well enough to do it.  10 minutes a position for an hour - hard work!  I'll keep it up though because I'll do anything to avoid surgery.
One of the other moms from my class has invited me to go to a mommy group tomorrow morning and afterwards, we're meeting another mom for lunch.  The group is called bumps and babies and it's for both mothers and expectant mothers.  They meet once a week for 2 hours in the morning.  Finally, a chance to meet people and maybe make some friends.  I'm hopeful and a bit nervous as well.  After 3 1/2 years living here, it sure would be nice to finally have a girlfriend or two.
It's been lonely through this pregnancy.  It's difficult not having friends and family around to be enthusiastic and remind you what a wonderful thing it is that's happening.  There are no smiling faces at my door or rubbing of the belly with enthusiasiem and happiness for the impending birth.  I spend 80% of my time on my own and I feel like I've had to go through so much of the pregnancy alone.  Don't get me wrong - Wayne hasn't missed one appointment or class.  Anything that has to be done - he makes sure he's there and I'm grateful to have the support.  The thing is he's a man and it's not the same as having my Mom, sister and girlfriends around that really understand a bit more than a man really can.  I've been really lonely and sad lately and wishing that I was going to be back in the States for the birth.  Hopefully, loved ones will be able to make it over for a visit - here's hoping anyway...

Possible C-Section

I had an appointment with my midwife yesterday.  The baby is breech (always has been) and she suspects due to his position, he will not make his natural turn for childbirth.  The result will be a c-section delivery.  I still have time, but if he hasn't turned by my next appointment in two weeks, she will start the wheels in motion and make an appointment with the OB to schedule a c-section.
Considering I just had surgery in October, this was not good news.  the last thing I want is to be cut again.  I had such a horrible experience with the last surgery and it's left me with a bit of a fear of ever having to go through it again.  Not to mention that a c-section birth is far from the birth plan Wayne and I have been working on.  I wanted the baby to go directly to me when he was born.  We had planned to request he be left on me and alone with us for the first 90 minutes after he was born to start the bonding processes and give him his first feed naturally.  I was so pleased when I found out that such requests were possible (as long as the birth went well) it sounded like such a beautiful experience -  I had no idea that if they place the baby on you after birth, they will make their way to the breast on their own to start the first feed (which usually takes place within the first hour or so).  This crawling reflex is only possible for a very short time after birth.  I was going to have the baby lie with me (skin on skin) close to my chest and allow him to feed when he was ready.  With a c-section, I won't even be able to hold him until I am out of recovery.  This breaks my heart.
I'm now 32 weeks pregnant (just started month 8).  If babies don't turn by week 35 - chances are they wont.  Keep your fingers crossed for me that the little guy cooperates and starts his decent soon.

The 4D ultrasound

We went for the 4D ultrasound on Saturday.  It was absolutely amazing! ( I've attached a photo, but if you'd like to see them all - click here for the photos and click here for the video). As you can see from the photo, it was really clear and we could get a good idea of what our little boy looks like.  I cried during a good part of it, just in awe of this little face - the face of my son.  I just can't believe it.  I am truly in love with this little life inside me and I can't wait to hold him.  This pregnancy has changed ever since - I thought I loved every movement before, but now it's even more amazing!  Sure, I have pain and very very swollen feet, but none of it bothers me too much any more.  It's all so worth it.  I am so excited and so thrilled.  Any woman who's feeling a bit fed up with being pregnant, should go through the experience of the 4d ultrasound because it renews the joy of it all over again!  I have 9 weeks to go (8 weeks according to my OB in the States) and I really can't wait!

A nice couple of weeks

The last couple of weeks have been really lovely pregnancy weeks.  Last week, we started our pre-natal (antenatal in the UK) classes.  It's a very small group of us that meet on Thursday evenings at the teacher's house.  It's really nice because it's very casual and quite social.  Because there are only 3 other couples, we cover what ever it is we want to cover (although the teacher does make sure she covers the essentials).  It's been lovely for me because I certainly don't have a social life and having other couples to share and discuss things with has been really enjoyable.
This week, my midwife was on vacation and her replacement was wonderful.  During my examination, she showed me the babies head between her two hands on my belly.  She showed both Wayne and I by directing our hands as well - it was amazing.  She was so enthusiastic about it as well (my midwife has no personality and doesn't seem to enjoy her job in any way).  It was the most enjoyable midwife appointment I've had to date - I only wish I could replace my midwife with her for good.
The most exciting thing this week is that today, we're going to have a 4D ultrasound!  We're going to get an actual peek at what our baby looks like!  I am so excited, I'm jumping out of my skin!  I just can't wait!  I'll scan the photos and post them as soon as I can.  Have to run - we're leaving for our appointment in a few minutes!

4:00 AM

It's 4AM and I can't sleep.  I slept for a little while, but got up for one of my many bathroom trips of the night, and couldn't get back to sleep.
The baby is due in just over 10 weeks.  I feel huge and assume I am because I've been asked on more than one occasion if I'm having twins.  I met a woman recently that wasn't much bigger than me.  She asked when I was due and I told her I wasn't due until May and asked her - how about you?  She replied with '2 weeks'! She was due in 2 weeks and wasn't far off from my size.  I was so embarrassed (even after she assured me she was 'carrying small').  I've gained 25lbs so far (which isn't that bad considering I was on bed rest for a month after having surgery during the 1st trimester). I took a good look in the mirror today and I'm mainly belly.  Sure, I sometimes feel like I'm beginning to resemble Jabba The Hut, but the extra weight isn't really that hard to deal with.  That being said, I hope I don't get too much bigger or I worry I may not be able to stand upright!
I'm excited to finally be into the 3rd trimester.  I really can't wait to meet our little boy.  I'm a bit scared about the birth, but more excited than anything else.  Sometimes it still feels so surreal.  I can't believe I'm going to be a mother.  It's such an amazing feeling and I feel so blessed to be starting a family with a man I truly adore.  I wish I could put into words how wonderful it feels.  I only wish I was going to be around my family and friends when the time comes so I can share it with them as well, but life isn't always perfect and I have to be grateful for all I have.  Happiness takes compromise and I'm learning that you can't have everything. Like I said before - I feel blessed to have the life I have here with Wayne and I'm looking so forward to this new phase of our life to start.