One week from today, we have our appointment for my visa. I can hardly breath I'm so nervous and today, I wish I still smoked!
I haven't been on here in so long. I guess I haven't been in the mood to be in touch with my emotions. I think I'm just trying to keep myself in check so I don't lose it.
We had Wayne's sister and her family here for the weekend. Phew, that was a lot of work! Four adults and two children in one very small English house (with a surprising amount of bathrooms - 3 in all which was handy). It was a lot of cooking and an awful lot of dish washing too!
My new little niece is 5 next week and for some reason, she just adores me. I spent the whole time with this beautiful little girl attached to my hip! I got a little bit of insight on motherhood because I didn't get even a moment to myself. I cooked - she helped (well she thought she was helping anyway), I cleaned - she helped, I sat down to breath - she wouldn't have it! I was forced to draw pictures for hours on end and wasn't even permitted to use the bathroom by myself (this was very unsettling for me, but I survived)!
Everywhere we went, she had to hold MY hand and I was touched every time she came and hugged me for no reason at all telling me she loved me. I even went on the kiddie rides at the fair! And when she held both my hand and Wayne's as we walked along the sea front, I took a long hard look at how it might be if it was our child between us. I'm thinking that motherhood can wait a bit longer because although she is just adorable and so very sweet - when she left - it was really nice to be able to relax again.
I took some pictures of the sightseeing tour we took them on and if there's time before we leave Saturday for our trip to the States, I'll post them. It was nice showing them around the city where we live because I sometimes forget how spectacular it really is.
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August 2005
August 30, 2005
August 24, 2005
For my Firend... Today's
Today's song is for someone very special. Someone that was dear to me and that I lost on this day, 13 years ago. He was my best friend who I loved with all my heart. He was a friend that made me feel special - who's face lit up every time he saw me, told me he loved me every time we said good-bye and that always looked out for me. He died at the age of 24 and although he is gone, he will never be forgotten. I chose this song because it makes me smile when I think back instead of sad. He sang it to me once... I had just found out that my ex-boyfriend was having a baby with his new wife and was crushed over the news. We were out trying to get my mind off things at a restaurant/pub type place that had a jukebox that played quite loud. While we were sitting at the crowded bar, this song started playing and I instantly got upset and said with anger and pain, 'I hate this song, it reminds me of ... He played it last time we were together' Just then, my friend began to sing at the top of his lungs, right there in front of the whole place, telling me the song would no longer remind me of my ex, but from then on - would always remind me of him. He was right and it couldn't be more fitting. I truly believe that as he sang those words (the whole time trying desperately not to bust out in laughter), he meant every verse and on this day every year, I play this song and remember that moment. Right here right now by Jesus Jones - This is for you Jeffery. |
August 23, 2005
Visa Hell
Today, I am up to my eyeballs with paperwork and stress relating to my settlement visa application. Everything I do makes me nervous, thinking I'm making a mistake or forgetting something and I end up looking it over 10 times as if I am obsessive compulsive or something (maybe I am!
 ) When I think about it, I can't beleive this is my life and I am actually applying for a settlement visa so I can live with my British husband in England! It's all very sureal and still so hard to wrap my head around! ME living in another country! I never thought I would ever visit a different country (other than some tropical island), never mind live here! I have stamps in my passort! Two countries thus far! Imagine that - I'm a world traveler... |
August 19, 2005
The workmen part 2
Yesterday, I had to run some errands, and once again, I had to pass the workmen on my way to the shops on the harbor. I was in an awful, weepy- feeling sorry for myself kind of mood because I had just gotten news that one of my best friends will be out of town during my trip back to the states. As I got closer to the worksite, I could feel myself getting more and more self-conscious and uncomfortable and when I approached it, I told myself - 'it's no big deal, just look straight ahead keep up the pace'. While I was walking past them (with my MP3 player blaring to appear in my own world), I looked and saw that they all just stopped what they were doing and starred (all 15 or so of them), as if they had just been rescued from a deserted island and hadn't seen a woman for years. 
They just stood there in their hardhats and neon yellow work vests and stared as I walked by. I instantly felt hot under the collar and embarrassed by such attention and it almost made me stop in my tracks and turn back. Then, suddenly, I thought 'this has to stop!' so, with a 'if you can't beat 'em' type join them' type attitude, I just stopped, smiled and waved at them. With that, they all at once, smiled back and waved enthusiastically as I started on my way again. I laughed to myself and suddenly felt better and I have to say - that those guys made my day. Being a stranger in a strange place, sometimes makes me feel invisible, like I could scream and jump up and down and no-one would see me - but at least I know that if I want to be seen - I can just take a walk passed the construction site and I'll be sure to get at the very least a 'ello Love' from one of the guys!
August 18, 2005
Only Me!!
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Because I haven't been able to work while living here thus far (I don't have a work visa), I think I may be losing brain cells from lack of use because sometimes I thing I'm becoming just plain stupid and I've become horribly ditsy! To anyone who knows me - I wasn't ditsy before was I? For instance - this morning while taking a shower, I had a bit of a mishap - We have a shower massager - the type that has the coiled hose so you can take it down and use the massager function. The shower enclosure it's self is quite small (it would never fit both Wayne and I) so there's not much room to move around. The shower head is also on a slider attachment so that it can be adjusted to different heights and then the top piece swivels to add even more height adjustment. Wayne and I are constantly changing the height back and forth to suit our own needs. This morning, I was quite groggy when I took my shower (from both the lack of sleep this week as well as the sleeping medication I took last night to ensure at least eight hours...). I adjusted the shower head a bit too much and while I was rinsing the shampoo from my hair, I hit it with my hand and knocked it right out of it's holder! I shuffled to catch it (so it didn't knock me on the my head or face as it came back down) and I was quick enough to catch it, but unfortunately for me, I caught it with the water facing not only up, but out as well! I shot water all over the bathroom and bathroom ceiling (and I actually said out loud - 'oh no' in a Homer Simpson type of way)! The strange part is - I now can only enter the bathroom armed with an umbrella because the water has stayed on the ceiling in theses large droplets. They don't fall all at once like you'd expect them to, they just stick there, mocking me by releasing a tiny drop every few seconds, so when you walk into the bathroom it seems to be raining in there! This would be a good time to buy a mop (instead of washing the floors by hand) so that I can clean the water off of the ceiling without climbing onto something I will almost surely fall off of and kill myself - death my stupidity! This is almost as ditsy as when I flooded the bathroom and the house on Wayne's birthday! Who does such things?? |
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August 15, 2005
August 11, 2005
Sunbathing and the workmen
Today, I went to get my nails done. I do this every couple of weeks when I feel the need to prove I'm not invisible to everyone other than my husband. It feels that way sometimes living here, but that's another entry… I digress - We live on the harbor (or harbour in England) and there is constant building on the harbor so my walk to the Salon usually requires me to walk through a slew of workmen. It used to secretly bother me if at least one didn't gawk as I walked by, (fearing I was losing my youthful appeal to the opposite sex) but today, I felt like I was on display walking past them and it was quite uncomfortable. Here's why… Our back yard is a tiny back yard with high privacy fencing and since the summer has been quite hot, I have been spending a day or so each week laying out in the sun. Recently, I asked Wayne if he could buy a new nozzle for the garden hose because ours was broken and I like to use it to cool off when it gets to hot while sunbathing. He looked at me shocked, and said 'Babe, you hose yourself off??' I said yes, it gets hot and it's not like we have a pool to jump into (like I would have back home). He laughed and said 'You know they're doing work on the building across the way right?' I said 'yes, but they can't see me the fence is too high'. He explained to me that they very likely could see me (he would know since he's on building sites everyday) and I'm most likely famous on the job site as the girl who sunbaths in her little bikini and then hoses herself off.
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August 10, 2005
Still smoke free??
I've been asked by a few people lately if I am still smoke free. The answer is YES!! Woo-hoo!
It's been a struggle - especially when Wayne and I have a good fight - I just want to go out and smoke a whole pack just to spite him! I even made it to the store once but thankfully, after walking quite a ways, the store was closed! That was the one and only day I was grateful that I can't drive here because after the walk, I didn't want one anymore. I could have easily gone to the nearest pub to buy a pack there, but by then, it was pointless (Wayne later told me that he would have made me eat the ones I didn't smoke if I had bought a pack!)
I only wish I had quit long before this move, because here in the UK, there are a lot more smokers and I smell it everywhere I go. I wish I could say it turned my stomach , but for the most part, it just makes me want a cigarette! After 7 months of not smoking - it's just a choice and I've chosen not to.
January 2010
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