Pond Hopper

Song of the Week - Week 8

I updated the song of the week page...
Click here to listen to this week's song (and the past songs of the week)...

I did it!

I did it - I joined the gym today. It's a nice gym and I'm looking forward to going. I also signed up for five one hour sessions with a personal trainer (just to make sure I don't go hurting myself or aggravating my arthritis). Doug came with me and joined as well.
Afterwards, I went and bought some workout wear and I'm really excited because I bought a pair of trousers that are a size six (US)! Size six stretchy no less! WooHoo! They fit good too - not too tight at all. That makes me really happy! Just two more sizes and I'll be what I was when Wayne and I met - although he's threatening to leave me if I lose my ass! What he doesn't understand is that women like me ALWAYS have an ass! I couldn't lose it if I tried. This should be good news for him considering he insists on smacking it EVERY TIME I walk passed him!
We're going out for Thai food tonight. I can't wait. I'm always on a diet and I miss Thai food; it's one of my favorites and I plan on eating enough to make it worth cheating! I think I like food too much to ever be too thin!

Cabin Fever

I’m suffering badly from cabin fever. I honestly don’t know the last time I left the house. This winter weather seems to be lasting for ever. When it’s cold, we don’t do much that requires leaving the house. I think it’s because in England, they don’t have shopping malls and enclosed places like that. Every city has a town centre and that’s where nearly everything is – shops, pubs, restaurants etc. - It’s all there. For those of you from Jersey – imagine Red Bank being the only place in your area that had shopping, restaurants, bars and clubs and the rest of the area being mainly residential. Only every town (not just Red Bank) had an area like the broad street area. When it’s cold, it’s not a lot of fun to be walking the streets.
Besides Doug, we don’t have friends here, so we don’t do social kinds of things very often. Weeks go by that Wayne is the only face I see and the only person I talk to. Don’t get me wrong – it’s not a bad thing because unlike a lot of married couples, we actually enjoy each other and have a good time together. The thing is that I’m kind of a chatty person and I must drive poor Wayne crazy on some days. He recently was looking trough the TV listing and saw what he thought read: How to make an American Quiet and said, 'Ooh, I'm watching that one!’ It was actually the movie - 'How to make an American quilt' and I honestly think he was disappointed when he realized!
The other day, a friend from Chicago called. He called on a day when it had been a while since I’ve talked to anyone other than my husband. I talked his ear off and I fear by the end, he was sorry he called. A fellow expat and I talked about this before. She said she goes through the same thing and sometimes she’ll start talking to one of her husband’s friends and after a while, she sees their eyes start to glaze over! She continued with ‘but I don’t care, I just keep talking anyway’ the thought of it makes me laugh because it’s exactly what happens! To add insult to injury, I’m a nervous talker and sometimes when I get around Wayne’s family – I just can’t stop and I cringe when I think of it later. They must think all Americans never stop talking!
I’m thinking of joining the gym that’s here on the harbour. If I do, it will be an act of desperation because 1) I hate to exercise and 2) the only thing worse than exercise is doing it in a public place where please can see me suffer. But I am so desperate for a new environment and a place I might be able to meet some people – I’m seriously considering it. Doug and I have discussed joining together and we had planned to go and check it out last week, but I got sick and it fell by the wayside. I think I’ll call him tonight and re-schedule. It can only do me good in the long run and I know it will resolve the problems I’ve been having losing the rest of the weight I want to lose.
Today, we’re going grocery shopping and I’m actually looking forward to it – How sad is that? What’s sadder is that I actually waxed my eyebrows this morning in preparation for going to the supermarket. It’s my big day out! I sometimes feel like living in England is like having detention…

Val - all is forgiven - thanks for the insight...

Last night, I watched a show on Val Kilmer that was played on the Biography channel. I begrudgingly taped it last week when I saw it on the TV listings; even though after my Val experience last summer, I vowed to never see him in anything again (but have probably seen Tombstone more than once since so admittedly, it was a half hearted attempt to boycott all things Val). The show was an interview with him (and people he’s worked with throughout his career) that I can only guess was filmed before I saw him in London, because he was looking a little worse for wear.
It started out with other actors talking about him. Robert Downey Jr. admitted when he met Val for the first time, he thought he was an ‘Asshole’ and a couple of others spoke of his ‘eccentricities’. This was an understatement judging by his behaviour throughout the show because he was really flaky and quite odd.
As I sat there watching this show I couldn’t help but find his oddness endearing and suddenly realized that maybe he didn’t snub us that day – maybe he’s just weird and shy (and really weird). I enjoyed the show immensely. I laughed out loud more than just a couple of times and have to admit that although Val looks nothing like he did in his early years, I found him exceptionally attractive. Sure, he looked over weight and aged, but looking at him, I saw past it and to me he was just Val – the actor I spent a good deal of my life idolizing (for lack of a better word because it’s not as though I ever had my walls covered in his pictures or anything like that). To me, the attraction wasn’t just about what he looked like, it was about his talent. I realized two things by the end of the show – despite what happened in London, I’m still a fan and would go to see him again live in a heartbeat and more importantly - How someone looks does not dictate how we feel about them. This revelation couldn’t come at a better time because I’m not getting any younger and it certainly helps to take the pressure off. It’s really strange how insight can come from the most unexpected source.

Waiting for Mrs. Brady...

I was having a perfectly fine day until my mother called. She has a way of easily ruining my mood. I'm getting itchy just thinking about it (yes, in a way - I'm allergic to my mother). A few years back, I had a severe allergic reaction that put me in the hospital for 5 days. I was a mess and to this day, they have no idea what caused it. Ever since then, sometimes when I get stressed out - I get itchy, break out in a rash and sometimes hives (depending on my stress level). I have to admit that my Mom seems to bring it on more than anything or anyone. Don't get me wrong - I love my Mom with all my heart, but the woman drives me crazy.
She called today for the first time in weeks (I've called her a few times, but she's either been out or busy). Admittedly, I instantly was on edge because I've been wondering if I haven't heard from her because she's been upset with me for something. It started out fine. We talked about us both being sick last week and other small talk and then she hit me with - 'I hope you're not upset with me because we haven't been out to visit you since you moved' this is a sore subject for me and I immediately got short and said 'No Mom, I have come to terms with the fact that no-one will come to visit ever, but I'd like to hope that if (and when) Wayne and I have a baby that maybe you might reconsider' This wasn't one of my smartest moments for more than one reason 1) she got defensive and 2) I inadvertently admitted we won't be moving back to the States any time soon. - She's forever unforgiving about my leaving the country, even though she helped me make the decision and was supportive of it at the time. She has since recanted and informed me that it was only because she thought I'd be moving back in the near future ( that was nearly 2 years ago). I could hear her tone become quite serious and she hit me with 'I think it's horrible that you live there and it sucks that I may have a grandchild that lives across the ocean'. Luckily for me, her doorbell rang and she had to go.
The truth of the matter is that there have been very few times in my life that my family has been there for me. Through almost all of the hardest times of my life, I've had to rely on my friends help to see me through. With me (not necessarily with my siblings), my Mother has been a big believer in' tough love' and I've for the most part - I've been left on my own to get through the tough times with no real support from her (or the rest of my family). I don't know why, but as I get older, this continues to break my heart.
for some reason, after all of these years, I'm still waiting for my mother to turn into Florance Henderson (the Mom from the Brady Bunch) and start acting like a Mom that is doting and supportive. She's never been that kind of person, but I can't help but be disappointed when she is insensitive or cold. I guess I should cling to the fact that she called me Honey before we hung up and hope that maybe next time we talk, it will be more pleasant.

My fixation...

I haven’t been blogging much lately because I’ve been completely engrossed in my web training. It’s become a fixation and I even worked through the weekend. I’ve had a few problems that I haven’t been able to figure out (which really make me crazy because my biggest problem is that I want to know everything and I want to know it now), and other problems that after hours on end, I’ve gotten through and figured out. Instead of being happy with my accomplishment, I’ve been more preoccupied with the problems I can’t resolve.
A couple of weeks ago, I ordered 12 more DVD training courses (that I received last week) on everything from Adobe & Macromedia products to scripting & web languages. I found a guy selling them on EBay for a lot cheaper than I was paying and jumped on it (just in case he wasn't legit and EBay shut him down (which they did on Friday – phew, I got them just in time). Over the weekend I started my HTML course and I can’t believe how boring it is. I actually nodded off at one point. The guy that does the language classes is really bad and as I listen to him I just keep hearing – Bueller… Bueller… The worst part is, because he’s so boring, I keep trailing off thinking about other things and end up having to rewind and play it again because I wasn’t paying attention! I don’t know how I’m going to get through it!
If you’re really observant then you have noticed I’ve changed the layout of my blog. There aren’t a great deal of changes, but it took me practically all weekend to figure out how to do it, because I did it all using HTML instead of an application that writes the code for you. If the HTML guy was better, it probably wouldn’t have taken me as long, but I ended up winging it without finishing his course and learned on the fly. There are still numerous changes and tweaks I want to make (when I look at it, I can’t help but see all the imperfections I need to fix), but I've promised myself that I will take another shot at the course today knowing it will be advantageous to getting things done in a timely manner, so here I go again...

Song of the week - Week 7

This week's song is Overkill by Colin Hay. I chose it because as a long sufferer of insomnia, I know all too well what it's like to lie awake at night worrying, thinking and being haunted by the ghosts of the past.
They played it on Scrubs the other night and it was just one of those songs that stayed in my head and I had to track it down. The internet is a beautiful thing when you're looking for a needle in a haystack because it didn't take me long at all to find it... And in case you're wondering - yes, it is the guy from Men at Work =)
Listen to this week's song (as well as songs from previous weeks)>>
View the song of the week archives>>

We're all barking mad!

One of my favourite shows on television is Scrubs. I think it’s a phenomenal show and the writers are pure genius! Dr Cox and his sarcastic banter is awesome and by far my favorite, but in close second comes the female cast and their insanity that is written in such a way – it makes it okay to not only acknowledge the neurosis of the female gender, but laugh at it as well! Let’s face it – women are fucking crazy! I can say this without offending too many because I am one and to be completely honest – I’m at times - completely (as they say on this side of the pond) barking mad! We all are. Every single one of us and the woman who try to deny this fact – are the ones that are probably the craziest!
Men don’t have days that they cry for no reason at all and then end up laughing (or crying even harder) because they don’t know what’s wrong. Men don’t have special clothing that they have set aside for ‘fat days’ and hair styles for ‘bad hair days’. They don’t have one day when they’re sweet as pie and the very next - behave as if they’ve been possessed by some evil force that makes them breath fire, shoot daggers from their eyes and their head spin. They don’t have random moods that make them scarier than a serial killer and they don’t secretly think that their ass is too big (or small), they hate their chest, think their thighs are huge and wish they were at least two sizes smaller – no matter how thin they are (this phenomenon I blame on playing with Barbie during the important developmental years of our lives – my perfect Barbie would have had dark hair, short stocky legs, big thighs and a bubble butt).
It’s not just all that though – there aren’t too many men that are narotic like woman are – we have crazy fears and quirks that most of the time, we would never say out loud. For instance, I once had a friend that wouldn’t buy a car with power windows because she was afraid if she ever drove off of a bridge – she wouldn’t be able to roll down the windows to get out of the car (crazy…)! I myself am a bit bonkers when it comes to public restrooms – I only use them when completely necessary and when people come to my house and use my bathroom – I clean it immediately after they leave with antibacterial wipes I keep next to the sink because I can’t stand the thought of the germs (yes, Wayne it’s true and I’m nuts). Not only that, but when I’ve been out for the day in public places – the first thing I do when I get home is wash my hands because I don’t know how many things I have touched that other people have touched after not washing their hands. See – crazy. I’m usually pretty good at hiding my madness, but sometimes it seeps out (all woman have these moments that they know their crazy is showing). Once, while getting hot and heavy with my husband – I stopped and asked him to wash his hands because I couldn’t stop wondering if he’d washed them since we got home from the mall – Crazy!
I'm also afraid of opening the door to strangers (probably because I've seen one too many episodes of Law and Order in my day), don't let my cats chase spiders because I'm afraid they'll get bitten and die, and absolutely hate when my husband goes to quote a job because I'm secretly afraid that he may be going to the home of a homicidal maniac... I can admit all of these little bizarre things about myself, but you have no idea how many completely looney things I know about the woman in my life that I’m holding back on saying because it’s not for me to expose. I’m comfortable with my level of neurosis. I am secure with my feminine insanity because I know that there is no doubt that all women are crazy – it’s just a question of to what degree.
I’m inviting all women that read this to share their crazy with the world – let it out – it will feel good to get it off your chest; although I know you won’t because it’s a part of the madness. Just take my word for it Ladies – we’re all a bit screwy, so embrace it because there’s not a thing you can do about it.

American Expats in the UK blog list

I have published the first draft of the American Expats in the
UK blog list. Please click the link to learn more and to see the list so far.

Song of the week - Week 6

This week's song is Sewn by The Feeling. I chose it because I've liked it since the first time I heard it. It's really popular in the UK right now and I hear it everyday on the radio, but never get sick of it. To me, it says so much about how love can just turn you up-side-down and how if we can find the strength, we'd be willing to do just about anything to hold onto someone we love knowing full well if we don't - we'll miss our chance.
Click here to listen to this week's song (and the past songs of the week)...