Pond Hopper

Blogger's Block

I haven’t blogged in a while. I go through phases like this every few months – phases when I have nothing to say. It’s not like I don’t like to blog. I really do and when it’s not a part of my day, I feel less connected to the rest of the world. So today, I did a search on blogging ideas and I decided I can start off by writing about my writer’s block.
One of the things I always wished I could be was a writer. I think I may have the potential to be half way decent as a writer, but I think I missed the boat on the proper training so it will have to go into the box of unfulfilled wishes along with photographer, learning to play the piano, chef and millionaire…
It’s strange what inspires me when it comes to blogging – I’m inspired by love more than anything (aren’t we all?) - Whether it’s the love for my husband or past love – I can write for hours on the love I have experienced. I think the trick is finding inspiration in the everyday stuff. Who wants to read entries like – ‘I went to the gym today, came home, worked my web design, placed some orders and made some calls for my cosmetics business, cooked dinner and hung out with my husband.’ Let’s face it – it bores me to tears so why would anyone else want to know about it? That is my day at least 5 days a week - It’s uneventful and boring. I don’t have a social life or an interesting job and truth be told – I’ve been feeling really down in the dumps for quite a while now (although, this week I’m doing a lot better) and there is nothing worse than entry after entry of woe is me - so what do I write about?? I’ll have to do some more research on blogging inspiration. For now, I’ll just say that life is good. It’s not perfect - it’s not awful – it’s good and I’ll take good any day.
PS – David Hasselhoff is on the radio all week this week (bizarre I know). I think he’s drunk today.

In a funk

I've been in such a funk for the last few weeks and I just can't seem to pull myself out of it. I don’t know exactly what’s wrong (besides the obvious), but I’m just not myself these days. I’ve been despondent and withdrawn. I think it started about a month ago when we thought I might be pregnant. It wasn’t something we’d been planning on, but I was hoping beyond hope that I was. It turned out that I wasn’t and although Wayne couldn’t have been more relieved – I was really sad over it. It was the first time in my life I really wanted to be pregnant when taking one of those tests (which in it’s-self is an odd experience). I was dreaming for weeks about being pregnant (each dream more bizarre than the last) and it was all I could think about. I kept telling myself I wasn’t. I didn’t feel pregnant, but I was 10 days late and just the thought of it really made me happy, scared, excited and nervous all at the same time. The thing that wasn’t ideal was that Wayne really didn’t want me to be. We have a plan on when we’ll try for a family and it wasn’t that time yet. Like I said, he was happy when the test turned out negative and I cried for about an hour.
The day I called my Mom to tell her the test results was the very same day she told me she had to go in for surgery to confirm her test results. It’s been a trying time ever since and although, it’s all over and done with, I think I’m still feeing the effects of it. It’s strange because my cosmetics/Make-up artist business is finally getting off the ground and you’d think I’d be feeling really good, but it’s really quite the opposite.
I can’t help but wonder how much of what’s got me so out of sorts is that I’m coming up to my two year anniversary of moving here and I still don’t have anything that even resembles a normal life (other than a husband I’m crazy about). If love and a good relationship was all that was required for a happy life – I’d be a very happy woman. One of life’s great challenges seems to be finding a way to be happy with what you have without being unhappy about what you don’t. A friend of mine moved to Australia to be with her Australian husband a few years back. She told me that it took her 3 years to finally make a life for herself and feel like she was at home there. It’s not the first time I’ve heard that about moving to a foreign country. Its 2 years this month for me. Maybe this will be the year it turns around for me and I’ll find my way here.