If I knew then what I know now

How many times have we said to ourselves - If I had known then what I know now... I've thinking that a lot lately.  The thing is that I've recently found out an ugly truth about my past that's been hard to come to terms with.  It turns out that someone that meant a great deal to me was someone I never knew at all.  They turned out to be a liar that betrayed me a lifetime ago.  If I had known then what I know now my life for years and years to come would have been very different - unbelievably different.
So now I know this truth and on one hand - I'm broken-hearted and feel so hurt (even after all these years), but on the other hand, I can't help but wonder if it's because of that betrayal that I am where I am now.  If not for what they did - if I had known who they really were, would I be here now with the love of my life having his baby?  Did their lie bring me to this time and this place?  If I could go back would I change it?  As much as I hate this ugly truth, I think I need to be grateful for it and admit to myself that I wouldn't change it because maybe if I knew then what I know now - I wouldn't be where I am today.
So, it's good that I know the truth.  Maybe now, I can move forward knowing that I am with the one and only great love of my life instead of keeping up pedestals that should never have been built up in the first place.  As much as it's hurt to learn the truth, in the end it's actually made me appreciate my marriage even more than I did before.  They say that everything happens for a reason...

Comments

[Nicole]

Yeah- It's funny the whole Sliding Doors thing. . . wondering who would be if you had made different choices- and wondering at the randomness of the path that got you where you are. . .

Makes my brain hurt. :)