There is nothing that makes you feel more helpless than a sick child. Last night was the first time since becoming a toddler that my little boy was very sick. When they are babies, it's still hard, but they aren't really looking for you to help.
Ethan's first Christmas was spent with a stomach virus that made it's way through Wayne's entire family (including me). The poor little guy was only 6 months old and he spent the better part of two days vomiting up everything he ate. When he wasn't being sick, you'd never guess there was anything wrong - he just continued to smile and play.
At 8 months old, the night before leaving for his first trip to the US, he got terribly sick with a high fever. We spent the night in the ER before starting our trip early the next morning. The doctor said it would be ok to travel and so we did. Looking back, I'd never do that again. It was a long awful trip for him, us and everyone on the plane.
Last night was different though. Last night, he wasn't a baby anymore. He woke around 1:00 screaming and burning up. I picked him up out of his crib and there was no consoling him. I sat him down in the rocker to try and sooth him and he started to vomit. This time, he was older than when it happened before. This time he was clearly scared and distressed by being so sick and he kept waving his arms at me and trying to hug me while crying with this look of panic on his face - As if to say, Mommy make it stop. It was the same each time it happened and it broke my heart to not be able to make it stop. His fever was 103 (39.5 C) and I could feel his skin burning mine as I held him. In between throwing up, he clung to me for dear life and I wanted so badly to wave a magic wand that would make it all ok. In the end, he fell asleep in my arms and in our bed. This morning he was up at 6:00 and his fever was down to 101. I feel like I got hit by a bus.
I know this was the first of many nights like this. As he grows up, he will get sick and I'll go through it again and again, but the first time is hard. No-one could have prepared me for the love I have for this little boy. I can't imagine what it must be like for parents with a child who is chronically ill. It must be a horific experiance. At least I had the comfort of knowing it woud pass.
Comments